the empty nest.
Colleges nationwide opened their doors last week to a flood of new academic hopefuls. Coast to coast, parents have been loading up the sedans and motoring across the states to deposit their fledgling freshman (is that redundant?) on the doorstep to ...America's future!
And the life change, it turns out, can be devastatingly difficult.
I still cannot get my head around the warp speed at which our little become bigs. While my own children are not yet of college age, I have experienced life altering moments; the kind that stop you dead in your tracks, in other areas of my life, and I can tell you, it has been flat out frightening!
I call the sensation: THE DROP.
It is that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when:
the phone rings inexplicably in the middle of the night, or your spouse confesses he loves you, he just doesn't want to be with you anymore, or your doctor reports "It is stage IV", or your turn around in the store and your child is gone, or your debilitating fear of open heights is tested as you embark on a roller coaster ride (against all that is logical and rational) and you find yourself teetering at the tippy top of the first ascent looking down at the drop of doom.
The only way out? Ride the coaster.
College is the next coaster ride for so many right now.
Concerned parents have seen to it their young adults are prepared with the essentials: the new comforter, mini fridge, school supplies, and a meal card too (if you are one of the lucky ones). The have listened intently during orientation (because the 18 year old cannot absorb pertinent information and be nervous too!). Each concerned parent has interrogated the roommate as well, deciding said roommate is not the serial killer imagined, and maybe other people make nice kids too? Dad's have assembled beds and moved dressers three times over, and gone through every drill for every possible happenstance while mom's have hung a LOVE canvas above the bed, sticked the chilled air with yogurt, fruit and cheese, all the while having hugged and smooched and hugged and smooched until the "kid" never want to see any biologicals ever again!
Yet, most parental units still drive away overcome with sincere worry about their "baby bird" adjusting to a new habitat: life without mom and dad.
It is the drop, I tell ya. There are always exceptions to the rule, and college isn't for everyone, but my experience has been: find a way to get through that initial descent. Soon you will witness your fledglings taking the corkscrew turns with enthusiasm!
The initial dread at what you know is coming next? Yeah, that is the hardest part. Take the baby step afterward, one by one, at your own pace. Each step can be trying and sometimes, even unthinkable, but remember: all coaster rides come to an end. It is the trials we face when our secure world is threatened; when fragile takes on a whole new meaning; when we take that bet of a lifetime and place our living breathing hearts out in the world; it is that heightened risk that reminds us of "the preciousness of others" is real. And our hearts ache.
It is the drop, but without it, we'd never grow.
I have seen a challenge or two in my lifetime and here is the thing: I don't think my trials are over. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone. We don't get a set amount of tough. We get life. And the turmoil, the tears, the tides of ebb and flow?
All part of the gig.
TRUTH: Life is one big, long roller coaster ride. While many are drawn to the adventure and thrill of hurling through space at a heart-stopping-blood-curling-scream-inducing speed, I myself hate roller coasters. But, I find each time I face the fear and board one, my fear does not dissipate, but my ability to summon my faith to see me through the painful, often excruciating experience is just a bit stronger.
For someone who's earlier life was hijacked by crazy people, situations like these used to consume me with anxiety and panic. I still have to work my way through each drop. but honestly, that is just the way it is. Every single time. We go speeding through space and time, faster than we are prepared for, and some folks have a heart attack and die.
If you are like me, and you don't want to die, you have to find a way to survive the drops. You have to prepare and practice.
- I want to soar with my feet planted firmly on the ground.
- I want pleasant spontaneity among my days of predictability.
- I want my hard work to pay off.
- I want my heart to race at things that thrill me, not at things that terrify me.
- I want my children to be brave and thrive.
- I want to open my heart and long for someone who needs to kiss me.
- I want to live like I will skip with my grandchildren.
- I want to enjoy the unexpected corkscrew turns with my arms held high!
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