Single or Married. It's up to YOU

My therapist told me shortly after I separated, "You could be married today."

That hadn't occurred to me.

When you separate, you think you will never find someone again.

Too soon! Too hard! Too old! Too much energy! Too embarrassing! Too, too, too!!!

But here's the thing I've discovered since: my therapist was right!

Every day folks, complete strangers approach me and share the details of their lives. I appreciate being approachable. Why? Because they need someone to talk to, and I need someone to listen to. Learn and leaning on one another is important. Plenty have listened to me, and continue to do so...

Today, was my turn to listen.

Had a lovely chat with the man who shuttled me home today. His name was "Martinez".

Assured me the only Renee's he's ever known were men. Thought maybe I had gotten my name wrong? I assured him it was indeed my name, and meant in the most feminine of ways. He didn't look convinced.

First time that has ever happened. But I understood. Our frame of reference was different. I got it.

There is one thing we all have in common though: relationships.

Small talk led us to the revelation that this weekend he intended to sleep. Which irks his sister (that he rents a room from) . "All you do is sleep on your days off."

IS that all you do? I asked. Yeah, but I'm happy.

I wasn't so sure about that.

He muttered something in spanish and I responded casually in spanish. Shocked him.

"Habla espanol?"

Como no (of course). Listened to it for thirty years. My husband is from El Salvador. My ex husband.

The rest of the way home we spoke entirely in his language. He began to share freely and I listened:

He's 50.
Lives in Anaheim.
Divorced six years ago after 27 years of marriage and four kids.
Wife didn't like that he played "Basketball".
Were you really playing basketball?
Yeah!
Have you ever said you were playing basketball and were playing something else?
Mischief in his eyes answered my question.

So, your life took a completely different path because you decided to play a game of basketball one night and you came home two hours late and she threw you out?

Just shook his head and smiled.

You are where you have been showing her you want to be: Single.

Aw well, no one should live with all that anger. (He said this).

I'm ready to have a girlfriend. Take to the cine, the playa, dinner.

Then he asked me, "What about you?"

Eh, I'd like someone. I'm ready.

What are you doing about it?

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Nothing." Can't force it.

Dumbfounded, he looked at me like what was I waiting for? You're just gonna except it?

I smiled and shrugged again. I've dated. What's the point? Men and women desire different things.

Wished him well as he pulled onto my driveway. Hoped he found someone to date-and suggested maybe he should try and find a girl who prefers one on one basketball? He laughed and shrugged.

Went to pick something up I needed after that. In the time it took me to sign the bill and gather my things, (all I said was it felt nice in the air conditioning) I learned the interesting details of my sweet sales ladies life:

She's in her fifties.
Raised in Fountain Valley, spent the last sixteen years on the east coast.
Its so hot in the summer there. Winters are worse though. Gray. Gray. Gray.
At thirty seven found herself alone after a terrible first marriage ended.
Decided to treat herself for the first time ever to a beer.
Went to a bar, sat down and met a man who changed her life completely.
Married him. Good good man.
Found out he has a daughter that is "really" his (we had the test, you know). Terrible teenager, but she is in her thirties now, has two masters degrees and is a teacher. "We all have peace now that she has gotten her life together."

Because you treated yourself to a beer you met and married a wonderful man, experienced life across the country, and gained a step daughter?

Yep. My life turned around. :-)

I said, "Buying that beer for yourself was your way of showing the universe where you wanted to be: Married. Happily. And then it happened!"

She beamed with joy.

Today, the universe used these lovelies to remind me: I am where I want to be. For today, anyway. If I really want the other, I need to make me the best I can be. A better me will attract a better him. Just gonna put it out there: I want to married one day again. Not this year, still healing and growing. Finding peace in my solitude and truly appreciating when others bless me with their presence. Getting my kids through senior year. But one year not too far after that. Happily, this time.

Okay universe, work your magic.